Lost and Found

Black Salt Bindery and Press, 2023. 1/12. 8 loose sheets [58.5 cm x 43 cm] / [23" x 17"] that is artist-made paper beaten from LDS Temple garments donated by former members. Each is titled, signed, and numbered on the backs in pencil. Housed loose in an orange printed paper chemise and matching slipcase. Text printed at the foot of each image. "Following the rules made me good. They kept me safe in the box. In Sunday SchooI they taught us to fear the outside. - I followed the path outlined for me. I had given all I had to give and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough - I was doing what was expected of me when I realized I would never be enough. I knew that if I deviated from the path, they would blame me. It's never their fault - Without the rules I was too big for the space. What was worse: fear of the unknown, or squeezing into a space that had become too small? - I wandered an unfamiliar wilderness with no map, but I learned to be my own best guide. I may not know where I'm going. I only know that I can't stay here - As I felt the sun and breeze on my face, I wept from the simple joy. I lost my faith, but I found myself."

Imagery for this project is based on photographs taken by the artist in Arches National Park and features Sand Dune Arch, Landscape Arch, Balanced Rock, North Window, Park Avenue, Delicate Arch, and Delicate Arch trailhead.

Artist Statement: When I first began producing art featuring imagery from Arches National Park, it was out of a sense of homesickness. I was struggling being on the other side of the country by myself, away from my friends and family, and the landscape that was so familiar to me. My family explored the park every spring break growing up, and it had always felt like a second home. I used the imagery to ground myself while making home in a new place. As I began using my art to explore my faith crisis, the park took on new meaning to me. As a teen, it was the first place I had a spiritual experience outside of a church building. Now, I have replaced a physical church with nature, and the land where I have a spiritual connection became the center of that. While I am a supporter of all the national parks, Arches National Park will always have a special place in my heart.

Lost and Found is an exploration of faith and the search for self after the dissolution of it. The text, inspired by an internal dialogue finally spoken out loud, is paired with imagery from Arches National Park, which was pulp painted on paper made from garments donated by others in the ex-Mormon community. Seeking donations for the project helped other people going through a similar experience unload the physical, emotional, and mental space that old garments took up by helping them dispose of them in a way that felt right to them. I then took an item that had left us, mostly women, with shame, guilt, and body issues and turned it into something beautiful. The project is an inner journey through a physical landscape to find community and build resilience. It invites the viewer to remain open and vulnerable to new experiences while fighting in the struggle against religious dogma.